P. G. Wodehouse Quotes

English author (1881–1975)

Pelham Grenville Wodehouse KBE (/ˈwʊdhaʊs/; 15 October 1881 – 14 February 1975) was an English comic writer who enjoyed enormous popular success during a career that lasted more than seventy years.

From: Wikiquote (CC BY-SA 4.0)

Pen Names: Henry William-Jones • P Brooke-Haven • Pelham Grenville • Melrose Grainger • J Walker Williams • C P West

Birth Name: Pelham Grenville Wodehouse

Native Name: Sir Pelham Grenville Wodehouse

Alternative Names: P.G. Wodehouse

From Wikidata (CC0)

It's only about once in a lifetime that anything sensational ever happens to one, and when it does, you don't want people taking all the colour out of it. I remember at school having to read that stuff where that chap, Othello, tells the girl what a hell of a time he'd been having among the cannibals and what not. Well, imagine his feelings if, after he had described some particularly sticky passage with a cannibal chief and was waiting for the awestruck "Oh-h! Not really?", she had said that the whole thing had no doubt been greatly exaggerated and that the man had probably really been a prominent local vegetarian.

He had been looking like a dead fish. He now looked like a deader fish, one of last year's, cast up on some lonely beach and left there at the mercy of the wind and tides.

I goggled. Her words did not appear to make sense. They seemed the mere aimless vapouring of an aunt who has been sitting out in the sun without a hat.

She cried in a voice that hit me between the eyebrows and went out at the back of my head.

My Aunt Agatha, the curse of the Home Counties and a menace to one and all.

And a moment later there was a sound like a mighty rushing wind, and the relative had crossed the threshold at fifty m.p.h. under her own steam.

I consider that of all the dashed silly, drivelling ideas I ever heard in my puff this is the most blithering and futile. It won't work. Not a chance.

A slight throbbing about the temples told me that this discussion had reached saturation point.

There is enough sadness in life without having fellows like Gussie Fink-Nottle going about in sea boots.

The female in question was a sloppy pest

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

We do not tell old friends beneath our roof-tree that they are an offence to the eyesight.

Scarcely had I entered the sitting-room when I found ... what appeared at first sight to be the Devil, A closer scrutiny informed me that it was Gussie Fink-Nottle, dressed as Mephistopheles.

You know how it is with some girls. They seem to take the stuffing right out of you. I mean to say, there is something about their personality that paralyses the vocal cords and reduces the contents of the brain to cauliflower.

"Oh, yes, he thinks a lot of you. I remember his very words. 'Mr Wooster, miss,' he said, 'is, perhaps, mentally somewhat negligible but he has a heart of gold.'"