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" "Decades after that day in the therapist's office, Donald Trump was elected president. A friend called me and said, "This is the apocalypse. This is the end of our country as we know it." I said, "I hope so. Apocalypse means uncovering. Gotta uncover before you can recover." She said, "Oh, God, not more recovery talk. Not now." "No, listen — this feels to me like we've hit rock bottom! Maybe that means we're finally ready for the steps. Maybe we'll admit that our country has become unmanageable. Maybe we'll take a moral inventory and face our open family secret: that this nation — founded upon 'liberty and justice for all' — was built while murdering, enslaving, raping, and subjugating millions. Maybe we'll admit that liberty and justice for all has always meant liberty for white straight wealthy men. Then maybe we'll gather the entire family at the table — the women and the gay and black and brown folks and those in power — so that we can begin the long, hard work of making amends. I've seen this process heal people and families. Maybe our nation can heal this way, too.
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Every philanthropist, if she is paying attention, eventually becomes an activist. If we do not, we risk becoming codependent with power — saving the system's victims while the system collects the profits, then pats us on the head for her service. We've become injustice's foot soldiers.
In order to avoid being complicit with those upstream, we must become the people of And/Both. We must commit to pulling our brothers and sisters out of the river and also commit to going upstream to identify, confront, and hold accountable those who are pushing them in.
And what if I demand freedom not because I was "born this way" and "can't help it" but because I can do whatever I choose to do with my love and my body from year to year, moment to moment — because I'm a grown woman who does not need any excuse to live however I want to live and love whomever I want to love?
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