Sometimes you need a cigarette. Like after you have sex with a beautiful woman or a confused young man. - Dave Attell

Pre-mature ejaculation. Let’s talk about it. Premature ejaculation. That’s a pretty fancy term for, “Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before.”

Every man wonders about the size of their penis. Laying in bed alone at night, or in a hammock with a parrot. You start thinking, “Do I have a small penis or just gigantic balls?”

I was in Dayton, Ohio. You ever been there? Yeah? You know what’s a fun thing to do there? Pack up and get the fuck outta there. It’s boring. During the day we played the game of horseshoes. That game must have been invented before fun, 'cause it’s not. There’s only two ways for that game to end: either "this sucks, let’s do something else," or "owww, you hit me with a horseshoe. You ruined my night vision!"