Neither conservatives nor humorists believe man is good. But left-wingers do. - P. J. O'Rourke

The number of American presidential candidates varies with the sunspot cycle and the phases of the moon. Being a Republican, I'm backing Hillary Clinton. Because she could lose. The reason is not that she's a woman. The reason is that she's the particular woman who taught the 4th grade class that every man in America wished he were dead in. Hillary Clinton is Lucy holding the football for Charlie Brown. Hillary Clinton is 'America's ex-wife.'

Of course, the humans in Haiti have hope. They hope to leave.

One thing that's certain about going outdoors: When you come back inside, you'll be scratching.