When the excrement hit the air conditioner (Recurring phrase throughout many chapters) - Kurt Vonnegut

Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn't mean we deserve to conquer the Universe.

1. Find a subject you care about.
2. Do not ramble, though.
3. Keep it simple.
4. Have the guts to cut.
5. Sound like yourself.
6. Say what you mean to say.
7. Pity the readers.

As for literary criticism in general: I have long felt that any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel or a play or a poem is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae or a banana split.