My lack of initiative was the root cause of all my troubles - of my inability to want something before having thought about it, of my inability to co… - Fernando Pessoa

Original: Porque eu sou do tamanho do que vejo e não do tamanho da minha altura.

And with a relentlessness that comes from the world's depths, with a persistence that strikes the keys metaphysically, the scales of a piano student keep playing over and over, up and down the physical backbone of my memory. It's the old streets with other people, the same streets that today are different; it's dead people speaking to me through the transparency of their absence; it's remorse for what I did or didn't do; it's the rippling of streams in the night, noises from below in the quiet building.

I feel like screaming inside my head. I want to stop, to break, to smash this impossible phonograph record that keeps playing inside me, where it doesn't belong, an intangible torturer. I want my soul, a vehicle taken over by others, to let me off and go on without me. I'm going crazy from having to hear. And in the end it is I – in my odiously impressionable brain, in my thin skin, in my hypersensitive nerves – who am the keys played in scales, O horrible and personal piano of our memory.

صوتهُ كان مبحوحاًو مرتجفاً، هو صوت أولئك الذين لا يتوقعون شيئا لأنهُ من غير المجدي توقع شيء