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I'm as close to retarded as you can get and still live alone, I'll admit that. If there was an island for retarded people, I would be their king. The… - Mitch Fatel
" "I'm as close to retarded as you can get and still live alone, I'll admit that. If there was an island for retarded people, I would be their king. They would be like "he can cut his own meat, he will lead us!"
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About Mitch Fatel
Mitch Fatel (born Mitch Fertel in 1968) is a stand-up comedian in New York. Fatel performs regularly at the famed Comedy Cellar. He has performed on the Late Show with David Letterman and Late Night with Conan O'Brien and works as a correspondent on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Fatel started his career as an NYU intern for The Howard Stern Show in 1988 and appeared on Howard Stern's Negligeé and Underpants Party pay-per-view special in a homeless man makeover segment.
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Additional quotes by Mitch Fatel
Girls love their showers, they spend like twelve hours in there. I know why too, I read in Cosmo. It said that, "Eighty three percent of all women masturbate in the shower." That's wonderful. I can't masturbate in the shower cause my legs give out and then I rip down the shower curtain. And then my Mom gets mad. And I have to go to bed without dinner. I masturbated in the car once. That's a cry for help. I wouldn't do it again, though, 'cause the cab driver got really pissed off. I was like, "I'm sorry sir, all I saw was the non-smoking sign."
Sometimes when I'm eating a blueberry muffin, it's so tasty and delightful, that I think, "Wow, this is better than sex!" And sometimes when I'm having sex I think, "Wow, this is very expensive. I should have just gotten a muffin." Because it's less expensive and you can cut it in half and save some for later. Yes, you can refrigerate your muffins.
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