Doyouwantogoona--Who is this? Oh, I have the wrong number. - Delia Ephron

Children are a house's enemy. They don't mean to be — they just can't help it. It's their enthusiasm, their energy, their naturally destructive tendencies.

With any child entering adolescence, one hunts for signs of health, is desperate for the smallest indication that the child's problems will never be important enough for a television movie.

And a quick glance in the mirror turns out to be a mistake. Oh God, is that my face?