The sun comes up and so does your dick. 'Cause at heart your dick’s a farmer! - Dave Attell

So I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out. Thank you, Nyquil.

Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.

You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants.