Molly and Teacher eyed each other in the manner of two young women who will never, ever, be great friends. - Dave Barry

Tiger Woods is kidnapped by rival golfers, sedated, handcuffed, placed in a straitjacket, wrapped in chains, and locked inside a trunk, which is then weighted with concrete blocks and dropped into the deepest part of the Pacific Ocean. He easily wins the PGA Championship.

Who are you?” he said. “And why are you shouting?”
“I’m your first officer, sir,” said Slank. “Mr. Slank. I’m just relaying your orders to the crew.”
“Ah,” said Pembridge.
“The aft binnacle has been cast off, sir,” said Slank.
“The what?” said Pembridge.
“The aft binnacle,” said Slank. “As you ordered.”
“I did?” said Pembridge, squinting suspiciously. “When?”
“Just now, sir,” said Slank.
Pembridge blinked at Slank.
“Who are you, again?” he said.
“You first officer, sir,” said Slank.
Pembridge blinked again.
“My head hurts,” he said.
“Perhaps the captain would like to go to his cabin,” said Slank.
“You don’t tell me was to do,” said Pembridge. “I’m the captain.”
“Yes, sir,” said Slank.
“I’m going to my cabin,” said Pembridge.

The waterbed trend was similar to the fulfillment movement, in the sense that you paid for something that was supposed to bring you happiness, but you wound up with something less fulfilling, in this case motion sickness and water damage.