Congratulations, San Francisco! You’ve ruined pizza! First the Hawaiians, and now you! - Lewis Black

But what about the children, Lewis? I can hear some of you asking. What about the children? It's more disturbing for the child to hear adults talking about seeing a tit as being disturbing and disgusting and indecent and shocking than it is for a child to see one. You know? There is no child who, when a breast is exposed to them accidentally, has suffered a moral epileptic seizure.

And part of the problem is, those who lead us do not remember at all what it was like to be a child. I know what it was like when I was nine. And when I was nine, my life was devoted to seeing a tit. I was Captain Ahab, and it was my big white whale. I'd go down to Sears on a Saturday in hopes that they'd remove the clothing from a mannequin. Sad but true. Sad, but fuckin' true. And most kids, I can guarantee, were not damaged by seeing a breast. Most kids probably said "Son of a bitch! I can't wait to see the other one!"

I love Wisconsin, I love coming here. I've performed here a lot because I've discovered that you people apparently have some sort of federal grant for drinking. [audience cheers] It's–you're insane! You pay less for liquor than anybody I know anywhere in the country. Nobody pays any less for liquor than you. What're you–what're you–HOW?! I don't know if you're using that farm subsidy money, or if you're just hijacking liquor trucks, but this is fucking insane. [audience member shouts something] Is it volume? It's unbe–fucking–lievable, it's staggering! I come here because basically if I spend four days here drinking, and even with the plane ticket, it's cheaper than drinking in New York. How do you know when it's New Year's? That's the big mystery to me. What's the difference? I've been in bars here and it's like New Year's every fucking night! "Uh, New Year's, that's when we–we drink with hats on."