George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country. - George Carlin

Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place, man? There's such balance in nature.

The symphony orchestra had played poorly, so the conductor was in a bad mood. That night he beat his wife — because the music hadn't been beautiful enough.

I find it discouraging — and a bit depressing — when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the media to UFO believers on the one hand, and on the other, to those who believe in an invisible supreme being who inhabits the sky. Especially as the latter belief applies to the whole Jesus-Messiah-Son-of-God fable.