Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning," said Gloria Steinem. - Glennon Doyle

When I was a child, I felt what I needed to feel and I followed my gut and I planned only from my imagination. I was wild until I was tamed by shame. Until I started hiding and numbing my feelings for fear of being too much. Until I started deferring to others' advice instead of trusting my own intuition. Until I became convinced that my imagination was ridiculous and my desires were selfish. Until I surrendered myself to the cages of others' expectations, cultural mandates, and institutional allegiances. Until I buried who I was in order to become what I should be. I lost myself when I learned how to please.

Every philanthropist, if she is paying attention, eventually becomes an activist. If we do not, we risk becoming codependent with power — saving the system's victims while the system collects the profits, then pats us on the head for her service. We've become injustice's foot soldiers.

In order to avoid being complicit with those upstream, we must become the people of And/Both. We must commit to pulling our brothers and sisters out of the river and also commit to going upstream to identify, confront, and hold accountable those who are pushing them in.

Defensiveness is for people who are afraid that what they have can be taken from them.