Sometimes in your everyday life, you should say the right thing. But the wrong thing is funnier. - Ed Byrne

I did think about giving up smoking, but I decided not to, because I'm not a quitter. And I know that every cigarette I smoke takes five minutes off my life, but I also know it takes ten minutes to smoke it. That's a clear five-minute net gain, I reckon.

For me snowboarding is basically like being beaten up by a mountain.

Do you know what's odd and weird and strange - a democracy with a fucking Queen...Piers Morgan, who's a cock anyway...sweaty faced bollix.