I hate watching cable news; it makes you dumber. - Brad Meltzer

There are only four different magic tricks: You make something appear. You make something disappear. You make two things change place. Or you change one thing into something else. Everything in magic is a variation on those four.

You say you’re a mortician? You should know better than anyone. Just because you’re not dead doesn’t mean you’re alive.

You're telling me you can hack into an FBI agent's phone?
"Only when they're dumb enough to use their personal one instead of a secure line. Swear to Steve Jobs, whoever invented working from home should get a big wet kiss on the mouth."