President Reagan must be happy over how bad the weather's been this winter, because its the one thing no one's blaming on him. Theres nothing televis… - Andy Rooney

Some banks get stuck with a name that sounded good a hundred years ago when they were founded but sounds kind of silly now. In New York, there's a Dime Savings Bank. Once you pass forty, a dime isn't worth bending over to pick up if you drop one. You certainly wouldn't bother to take it to a bank to save it.

Democrats believe people are basically good but must be saved from themselves by their government. Republicans believe people are basically bad but they'll be okay if they're left alone.

I wish people who sell things would stop trying to guess how many of something we want to buy. I want to buy things one at a time.