[on Public Works Projects] You see what I felt they should have done for our first public works project is build a giant wall across the entire borde… - Lewis Black

You don't want another Enron? Here's the law: If you have a company, and it can't explain, in one sentence... what it does... it's illegal!

And then, one by one, they came onto the screen late in the day to pontificate about how we were going into a moral sewer. How this image of a breast at a family halftime show was not only disgusting, it was disturbing, it was shocking, it was indecent. I thought "Uh, it's just a tit. And none of those adjectives really fucking apply."

Michael Jackson? That's all I gotta say. ...He's become a punchline. He has! Michael Jackson is a punchline. To any joke you want. If you ever forget the punchline to a joke, all you gotta say is 'Michael Jackson.' "Two Jews walk into a bar... Michael Jackson!" "Why did the chicken cross the road? Michael Jackson!" "So the farmer brings his daughter to the dinner table--Michael Jackson!" It works for fucking anything!