You can inherit male-pattern baldness from your mother's father, but not a tendency to fight in the First World War. - Jeremy Hardy

… really very critical of hereditary peers, but they — I mean — they've got their faults, but some of those faults have been in the family for generations.

It seems a shallow observation, but… the Tory Conference are not an attractive lot, are they? I mean, if all those people were born in the same village, you'd blame pollution, wouldn't you?

The only way you can ever accuse a Conservative of hypocrisy is if they walk past a homeless person without kicking him in the face.