On Vince Cable: But he's charming and northern; he's the man tasked with crushing the poor in their own accent, isn't he really? - Jeremy Hardy

Have you ever looked at Kylie's teeth? Those teeth are proportional to the teeth of a camel in the mouth of a toddler.

It was developing countries where people are more cheery, wasn't it? ... Well, because when people are materially disadvantaged, maybe they're more optimistic, because they know that their destiny's not entirely in their own hands. And so they just have to hope for the best. Whereas in the developed world, where materially we've got plenty of stuff, and lots of opportunities, we know that the only thing stopping us from being happy is ourselves, which of course is a kind of downward spiral into disillusionment and hopelessness, isn't it, really? Because you can't -- you're never gonna get rid of yourself, so if you're basically unhappy, you're always gonna be unhappy, and in the remaining time that you've got left, you're either gonna be in despair about the fact that you've wasted your life, or maybe a bit cheerful about the fact that it's nearly over.

My daughter wanted a new pair of trainers. I told her "You're eleven, make your own!"