I used to do drugs, but that was way back there. - Dave Attell

Ever wrestle your dog 'til you cum?

Never drink alone, that's what they say. But you know what? If you drink you will never be alone, alright? People will find you, and that's when all the bad stuff happens, right? Just sittin around, doin' nuthin', right? You know what happened one time? Drunk, nothin' to do. I end up doing what? My penis in my fish tank, alright? No, I did it just to show them who's boss, alright? They were gettin' a little uppity. Even the diver guy stopped bubblin', he's like 'bleh??' Then, they hid in the castle. And like all good times, it always ends when your grandma walks in, doesn't it? 'Get that dick outta the fish tank!! Time for supper!'

Some things are the same wherever you go. Like, if it feels like more than two fingers, it's probably a dick.