[about solar energy] If you ask your congressman why, he'll say "Because it's hard. It's really hard. Makes me want to go poopie." You know why we do… - Lewis Black

The toughest thing about performing here is, where do you go from here? Next week, I'm at the Fort Lauderdale Performing Arts Center.

So I went down to Verizon, and I got myself a Droid. (audience cheers, and then laughs as he gives them an incredulous look) Don't you ever... ever... applaud an inanimate object again.

And so they turned to the Republican Party and they said, “Come on, get the little prick!” And so the Republicans took out their rifles, got him in their sights, then turned the rifles around and went…BAM! You want to learn one thing from this whole fiasco? If you’re going to hire a lawyer to nail somebody, you don’t hire somebody like Ken Starr. If you want to get somebody, and he was an asshole, you don’t hire a BIGGER asshole! ’Cause then the bigger asshole makes the asshole look like it’s just a rectum.