We're not satisfied with forcing Russia to destroy its nuclear weapons and recant its ideology. Now we're really going to get even: we're sending exp… - George Carlin

[On why he lacked faith in humanity] The two big mistakes were the belief in a sky god – that there's a man in the sky with ten things he doesn't want you to do and you'll burn for a long time if you do them – and private property, which I think is at the core of our failure as a species. That's the source of my indignations, my dissatisfactions, however it comes out on stage. I feel betrayed by the people I'm part of, these creatures, these magnificent creatures.

The symphony orchestra had played poorly, so the conductor was in a bad mood. That night he beat his wife — because the music hadn't been beautiful enough.

I don’t have pet peeves - I have major psychotic fucking hatreds.