[On Las Vegas audiences] Those audiences are wonderful. Talk about the most bitter group of people on the planet Earth! For one brief shining moment,… - Lewis Black

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[On Las Vegas audiences] Those audiences are wonderful. Talk about the most bitter group of people on the planet Earth! For one brief shining moment, I am Mr. Happy!

English
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About Lewis Black

Lewis Niles Black (born August 30, 1948) is a Grammy Award-winning American stand-up comedian, author, playwright and actor.

Also Known As

Birth Name: Lewis Niles Black
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Additional quotes by Lewis Black

Now I used to have an iPhone. And it was a great computer. It was in no way a phone. Because the carrier was AT&T, and AT&T is a carrier, in much the same way as a mosquito carries malaria. I'd have been better off with a Dixie Cup and a string. I finally took it over to the Apple Store to see if there was something they could do. And let me just say: if you're interested in what life is like on other planets, you're gonna wanna get to the Apple Store. They. Are not. Of us. They. Have. No genitals. It's why they stand so close - they're sniffing you. That's how they get their data. Yes, it is. So I was standing in the Apple Store, and a capon came up to me. "I see you have an iPhone. How many applications have you downloaded into your phone?" (makes sniffing noises) "Well, I haven't downloaded any... um, I came here to see if you had an app that would turn this PIECE OF SHIT INTO A FUCKING PHONE!"

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