People don't know who I am. Some people don't know I do standup. They just write that I'm that guy from those failed sitcoms. I always joke that 'I'v… - Jim Gaffigan

In Indiana, I wasn't anything special. But in New York, I've gone out with girls with purple hair who go out with me because I'm exotic!

As an actor, you deal with so much rejection and humiliation. When the good things come around, you tend not to trust your instincts.

I married a woman who loves to camp and I am what you would call indoorsy. I'm surprised we can still get people to camp. "Hey, wanna burn a couple of vacation days sleeping on the ground outside?" "Uh, No!" "What if I told you you get to crap standing up in the woods?" "I still wouldn't wanna go." "You'll wake up freezing covered in a rash." "… All right, I'll go."