I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce. - Lenny Bruce

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.

I was arrested for using a ten-letter word that began with ‘c,’ and I would marry no woman who was not one.

You can't put tits and ass on the marquee!...Why not?...Because it's dirty and vulgar, that's why not!... Titties are dirty and vulgar?...Okay, we'll compromise. How about Latin? Gluteus maximus, pectoralis majors nightly...That's alright, that's clean, class with ass, I'll buy it...Clean to you, schmuck, but dirty to the Latins!