I realize that I was all error and deviation, that I never lived, that I existed only in so far as I filled time with consciousness and thought. - Fernando Pessoa

And with a relentlessness that comes from the world's depths, with a persistence that strikes the keys metaphysically, the scales of a piano student keep playing over and over, up and down the physical backbone of my memory. It's the old streets with other people, the same streets that today are different; it's dead people speaking to me through the transparency of their absence; it's remorse for what I did or didn't do; it's the rippling of streams in the night, noises from below in the quiet building.

I feel like screaming inside my head. I want to stop, to break, to smash this impossible phonograph record that keeps playing inside me, where it doesn't belong, an intangible torturer. I want my soul, a vehicle taken over by others, to let me off and go on without me. I'm going crazy from having to hear. And in the end it is I – in my odiously impressionable brain, in my thin skin, in my hypersensitive nerves – who am the keys played in scales, O horrible and personal piano of our memory.

Original: Pensar é destruir. O próprio processo do pensamento o indica para o mesmo pensamento, porque pensar é decompor.

Mi espíritu está todo hecho de vacilación y duda. Nada, para mí, es o no puede ser positivo; todo oscila a mí alrededor, y yo con ello; sólo soy incertidumbre. Todo es para mí incoherencia y cambio. Todo es misterio y todo es significante. Cada cosa es un símbolo «desconocido» de lo Desconocido.