Congratulations, Dave, you've just constructed a straw man so large you could burn it in the desert and hold an annoying festival around it. - John Oliver

The election is in full swing right now, and it's pretty much your usual campaign -- candidates offering policy proposals, trading barbs... and occasionally getting convicted of 34 felonies and complaining about the judge.

The cable companies have figured out the great truth of America: If you want to do something evil, put it inside something boring. Apple could put the entire text of "Mein Kampf" inside the iTunes user agreement, and you'd just go, "Uh, agree, agree, agr-- what? Agree, agree."

You’re not supposed to see your country’s most famous author [J.K. Rowling] in the audience watching you. You’re supposed to look down at that point and realize that you’re naked and then wake up.