It’s a very colonizing impulse to look at something — a land, a city, a culture — and instead of seeing what is there, see a barren landscape that ne… - Lyz Lenz

But when we get these partnerships, all these “best friends” we married don’t text us back like our female best friends do. They can’t wipe a counter to save their lives. Don’t know how to vacuum. And their learned helplessness becomes the punch line to all our jokes. Memes lampoon this male inability to function. A TikTok video shows the face of an exasperated wife on the phone with her husband, who is presumably wandering the grocery store looking for ketchup, and she’s lip-syncing to the song from Hamilton, “Look at where you are. Look at where you started. The fact that you’re alive right now is a miracle.” Hilarious. These are the good men.

Sometimes my husband would say, “if you want help just ask,” and I would wave my arms around like someone drowning. “Just look!” I'd say. “this is all a cry for help.” But truthfully, I didn't want help. I was grateful for it sure. What I wanted was an equal partner.

Compliance is easier than questioning. The appearance of unity is easier than messy actualities. And I think part of me always understood that if I pushed too hard, I would be cast out of everything. So, I smiled during sermons I hated. I kept silent during Bible studies where people spoke of dinosaurs and humans roaming the earth together before Noah’s flood.