Money money money money money money money money money. Let no one say it has no place in a love story. It has a particular place. It is something on … - Daniel Handler

"For some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is "Never break into someone else's house.' The moral of 'Snow White' is 'Never eat apples.' The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.

In most cases, the best strategy for a job interview is to be fairly honest, because the worst thing that can happen is that you won't get the job and will spend the rest of your life foraging for food in the wilderness and seeking shelter underneath a tree or the awning of a bowling alley that has gone out of business.

Miracles are like meatballs because nobody knows what they are made of, where they came from, or how often they should appear.