I have never yet met a barber who didn't know everything, and such being the case it is only right that he be given his proper social and professiona… - Lennie Lower

... Why don't you put this beer out in the sun to get cool? If it was any flatter you'd have to serve it on a plate.

The catching of whales for commercial purposes is a large and thriving industry. I myself only catch them for sport. The trouble lies in getting them home. The last whale I brought home I had to leave out in the street as it was quite impossible to get it through the front gate. After about three weeks people started to complain. There was such a ridiculous rumpus about it that I have never gone whaling since. However, I don't mind giving anyone interested a few hints.One needs a few small boats and a mother ship. This last is to put your mother on. The principal instrument used in whaling is the baboon, a barbed instrument something like a spear which is hurled into the side of the whale. One then just hauls the whale in. This is much simpler than fishing for them with ordinary rod and line.

... geography is so unsettled lately. You've got to wait for the late final extra edition of the evening paper to find out if places are still on the map.