As a keen political observer, I've noticed that most people do not really vote for someone for the Presidency as much as they vote against the other … - Pat Paulsen

I do not claim that I can solve all the world's problems by myself. If I did, I'd have to run as a Republican or a Democrat.

Many political experts have told me that nobody will vote for me because America is not ready for such decisive and dynamic leadership. They tell me these things, and I say nay to the negative nincompoops who never nourished the nihilistic nerve to name a novice to nail down the nomination.

I've conducted my campaign thus far in the true American political tradition: I lied about my intention to run [...] I have been consistently vague on all the issues [...] Therefore I promise you all, my fellow Americans, that I will continue to make promises that I will be unable to fulfill.