When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts... - George Carlin

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

The symphony orchestra had played poorly, so the conductor was in a bad mood. That night he beat his wife — because the music hadn't been beautiful enough.

Of course, in Los Angeles, everything is based on driving, even the killings. In New York, most people don't have cars, so if you want to kill a person, you have to take the subway to their house. And sometimes on the way, the train is delayed and you get impatient, so you have to kill someone on the subway. That's why there are so many subway murders; no one has a car.