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The truth is, when I left the military, and even at times when I was home from deployment, that badass mentality was too much for me to deal with. I … - Nicholas Irving
" "The truth is, when I left the military, and even at times when I was home from deployment, that badass mentality was too much for me to deal with. I felt like I had to live up to being a badass and I was scared to death that I really wasn't that way. It's hard enough living one life, but when you're living two or being two different people, things get complicated. So, I just tried to continue being that badass, and drinking a lot helped to do that and to forget the fear of not being a badass. That's a lose-lose proposition I can see now.
Plus, the Reaper was my identity. I'd served six deployments overall. My whole identity to that point was wanting to be a soldier, a sniper, and then being those two things. And I was good at it, too. I was known for being good at it. Being that guy, that badass, that Reaper was how I was able to survive and how I was able to function in this world. I was molded by having such life-changing experiences as being in combat and serving as a sniper. And coming back home after having been all that and figuring out a way to still be all that while in the civilian arena was hard.
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About Nicholas Irving
Nicholas Irving (born November 28, 1986) is an American author and former soldier. He was a special operations sniper in the 3rd Ranger Battalion for the U.S. Army.
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Additional quotes by Nicholas Irving
If I could tell everyone in this country one thing that I learned it would be this: We need to have an open ear and an open mind. We need to have leaders that are willing to listen, to accept feedback, and adjust. We also need to remember that we still have men and women overseas who are fighting and dying to preserve and protect the principles that we're all supposed to have bought into as Americans.
And remember that if you do have respect for a veteran, and the vast majority of people do, that means that you should have respect for yourself and for other Americans. We are all there fighting, black guys, white guys, Hispanic guys. So, if you want to say thank you for your service, then stop the fighting here, stop the discrimination among races and classes. That can start with being an open ear. Listen. As a leader, it isn't about issuing commands. You have to listen, accept feedback, and make changes.
I always told my guys that they should call me "Irv." I never wanted them to call me "Sergeant." Even though I'd earned the nickname and the reputation as the Reaper, I wanted everyone to operate on the same level playing field. I wasn't any better than anyone. That didn't mean that I didn't carry myself with confidence, but I remained humble. One thing is for sure, if you ever say anything in the battalion that sounds like a brag, you'll never hear the end of it. Also, that was just how I was raised. Lead by example. Don't ever be your own cheerleader.
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I look back now, and I'm completely amazed at a lot of things we all did. I was scared every time we went outside the gate. Every single time. Every single firefight. That last deployment in Helmand Province I was convinced I was going to die. Maybe it was superstition, but on your last deployment after you'd made the decision to leave the military, you know that you were either going to get shot or killed. We were experiencing way too much contact with the enemy, way too many ambushes, way too many close calls. At that point, Marjah was the Wild West. The only thing that kept me going was the guys to my left and to my right.
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