Now, if you're white and you don't admit that it's great, you're an asshole. - Louis C.K.

I'm a good citizen. I'm a good father. I recycle and I masturbate.

I’d love to have a shitty job. I couldn’t hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I’m an idiot that way.

The last jobs I had were fixing cars and covering football games for a local access TV station. As in driving the mobile van to the field, setting up 3 cameras, teaching depressed grownups and interns how to use them and directing the game from the van and then wanting to kill myself.