American author
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Jessie’s breathing evens against me, like it used to when he was so small, when I used to carry him upstairs after he’d fallen asleep in my lap. He used to hit me over and over with questions:
What’s a two-inch hose for; a one-inch? How come you wash the engines? Does the can man ever et to drive? I realize that I cannot remember exactly when he stopped asking. But I do remember feeling as if something had gone missing, as if the loss of a kid’s hero worship canache like a phantom limb.
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Anna is the only proof I have that I was born into this family. Instead of dropped off on the doorstep by some Bonnie and Clyde couple that ran off into the night. On the surface, we’re polar opposites. Under the skin, though, we’re the same: people think they know what they’re getting, and they are always wrong.
Sometimes when you pick up your child you can feel the map of your own bones beneath your hands, or smell the scent of your skin in the nape of his neck. This is the most extraordinary thing about motherhood - finding a piece of yourself separate and apart that all the same you could not live without.