Terry Pratchett Quotes

A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.

Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.

And then Jack chopped down what was the world's last beanstalk, adding murder and ecological terrorism to the theft, enticement, and trespass charges already mentioned, and all the giant's children didn't have a daddy anymore. But he got away with it and lived happily ever after, without so much as a guilty twinge about what he had done...which proves that you can be excused for just about anything if you are a hero, because no one asks inconvenient questions.

He was determined to discover the underlying logic behind the universe.
Which was going to be hard, because there wasn't one.

I asked a teacher what the opposite of a miracle was and she, without thinking, I assume, said it was an act of God. You shouldn't say something like that to the kind of kid who will grow up to be a writer; we have long memories.

Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft are written by men.

There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do.

In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.

Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb -- they're often students, for heaven's sake.

"Inside every sane person there's a madman struggling to get out," said the shopkeeper. "That's what I've always thought. No one goes mad quicker than a totally sane person."