Your dad has no friends. If you think your dad has friends,… - John Mulaney

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Your dad has no friends. If you think your dad has friends, you're wrong. Your mom has friends, and they have husbands. Those are not your dad's friends.

John Mulaney

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About John Mulaney

John Edmund Mulaney (born 26 August 1982) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and producer.

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Alternative Names: John Edmund Mulaney

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J. D. Salinger Louis C.K. David Sedaris George Carlin Tina Fey

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When I was in grade school, I was bullied for being Asian American. And the biggest problem with that is that I am not Asian American.

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I'm gross. I have hair on my shoulders now. I don't even have a joke for that, that's how much I hate that shit.

Your dad has no friends. If you think your dad has friends, you're wrong. Your mom has friends, and they have husbands. Those are not your dad's frie… - John Mulaney

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About John Mulaney

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Additional quotes by John Mulaney

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