I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something. - Dave Attell

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I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.

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About Dave Attell

Dave Attell (born January 18, 1965, in Rockville Center, New York) is an American stand-up comedian, actor and writer best known as the host of Comedy Central's Insomniac with Dave Attell

Also Known As

Alternative Names: David Attell
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Additional quotes by Dave Attell

Eggnog - who thought that one up? "I wanna get a little drunk, but I also want some pancakes." You know what eggnog really is. You're not gonna want to hear it, but I'll tell ya. It's elf cum. You might as well pour it down your back and slap your self on the ass.

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