To me, nature always appears more unbalanced than Gary Busey with a clogged Eustachian tube. - Dennis Miller

"What would Jesus drive?" I don't know about you, but I always picture my God having a driver. Well, Jesus would naturally have an SUV, cause He always had those twelve idiots hanging around, making Him change shit into food every four and a half minutes. "See the cigarette? It's a fish. Leave me alone."

We're not allowed to do anything to nature anymore, except look at it. It's like porn with leaves.

I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.