I felt betrayed, the way you do when you discover that your cat has a secret secondary life and is being fed by neighbors who call him something stup… - David Sedaris

It's not lost on me that I'm so busy recording life, I don't have time to really live it.

My feet are completely flat, but for most of my life they were still shaped like feet. Now, thanks to bunions, they're shaped more like states, wide boring ones that nobody wants to drive through.

I can't seem to fathom that the things important to me are not important to other people as well, and so I come off sounding like a missionary, someone whose job is to convert rather than listen. ... It's not that I don't like her - far from it - I just worry that, without a regular job and the proper linoleum, she'll fall through a crack and disappear to a place where we can't find her.