Steve Martin Quotes

". . . Now you see . . . they' re not fit for humans . . ." "Put them on me."

You’re nuts, but you’re welcome here.

Mirabelle is not affected by a man’s failures to approach her, as her own self-depreciating attitude never allows the idea that he would in the first place.

She has learned that her body is precious and it mustn't be offered carelessly ever again, as it holds a direct connection to her heart.

"But my mother was aglow. She had a continuing fascination with celebrities, and now she had one of her own. She was never moved by what I was doing (in an interview she said, "He writes his own material, I’m always telling him he needs a new writer")…"

Be courteous, kind, and forgiving. Be gentle and peaceful each day. Be warm and human and grateful, And have a good thing to say. Be thoughtful and trustful and childlike, Be witty and happy and wise. Be honest and love all your neighbors, Be obsequious, purple, and clairvoyant. Be pompous, obese, and eat cactus. Be dull and boring and omnipresent. Criticize things you don’t know about. Be oblong and have your knees removed. Be sure to stop at stop signs, And drive fifty-five miles an hour. Pick up hitchhikers foaming at the mouth, And when you get home get a master’s degree in geology. Be tasteless, rude, and offensive. Live in a swamp and be three-dimensional. Put a live chicken in your underwear. Go into a closet and suck eggs.

Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.

Steve Martin

...the divided world of Aspen, where locals with a sense of entitlement were pitted against developers with a sense of condominiums.

I didn’t even need to know the specific that was troubling her, because to me her halting voice easily stood for the general woe that hangs in the air, even on life’s happiest days.

I see other people crossing the street at the curb and I don't know how they can do it.

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

At the mall. Think I’ll do some rehearsing. Lie on sidewalk, get into “dead guy” character. Quite hard to do without chalk outline.

The conversation at dinner hadn't been successful either; it bore the marks of an old married couple who had very little left to say to each other.

Carl Reiner. He had an entrenched sense of glee; he used humor as a gentle way of speaking difficult truths;

This does not mean you are “losing it” or are “not playing with a full deck” or are “not all there” or that you’re “eating with the dirigibles” or “shellacking the waxed egg” or “looking inside your own mind and finding nothing there,” or any of the other demeaning epithets that are said about people who are peeling an empty banana.