I've heard on the news that they are thinking of putting microchips inside babies so that if they ever get kidnapped that you can track them on Googl… - Dane Cook

Honey, honey. Why don't you put the fucking DVDs in order? So I can find Uncle Buck the second I wanna watch it? This shit's all scrambled up because you're a fucking retard. Why don't you put these in order? In order! Now fight me for three days, because I'm bored!

All you need for this is a pair of gloves. Just take your gloves, right, and go down to the bank. Get in line behind all the people at the bank. And give the person in front of you a nudge, just a little nudge, and they turn around. And when they turn around, start putting the gloves on and go "Now would be a good time to leave...Yeah, right now. Either that or take out a paper and pen and go, hey, how you spell 'Shoot you in the fucking face'? Come on, hurry up. One word? What is it?"

I was being chased by a giant crab. [Audience laughs] That's not funny.