Communicating wit is a lonely art. It demands an independent soul. - Lindsey Davis

"Do we think Locusta is still alive?"
"If so, she would have to be about two hundred."
"Sipping at the Fountain of Youth?"
"No, I think she was killed in the Year of the Four Emperors."
"Poison?"
"Natural causes—execution."
"Did she train up apprentices?"
"Yes, but the old crafts are dying. No one wants to be bothered. These days you can't find suppliers with the expertise, however big a bribe you offer."

You're not bloody Aristophanes, and the people who are paying for tickets are not educated Athenians. We're acting for turnips who only come to talk to their cousins and fart. We have to give them a lot of action and low-level jokes, but you can leave all that to us on stage. We know what's required. Your job is to hone the basic framework and remember the simple motto: short speeches, short lines, short words.

If being hit on the head by a falling flower tub could be worth cash to the victim, what price a child’s life under civil law?