North Korea is the country that the monkeys in The Wizard of Oz came from. - Lewis Black

Wise men say that time is like a river. I say time is like a river of SHIT... and as you float down that river in your little canoe, your paddles are getting smaller and smaller.

So that's how you wanna play it, old man? No dessert? Oh sure, we'll eat our dinner, right after you eat THIS!

Why would I be excited that a Democrat won? Seriously, over the past eight years the Democrats didn't do SHIT! Basically, the last eight years, I feel, the Republicans stood around farting; and the Democrats went "Ooh, let me smell it."