When the worst thing that can happen to you does, I try to be a friend. - John Waters

True success is figuring out your life and career so you never have to be around jerks.

I could never kill myself. I approve of suicide if you have horrible health. Otherwise it's the ultimate hissy fit.

We’d have valet parking, too, but the attendants would be disguised as hostile schizophrenic street people who would squeegee-attack your windshield right as you pull up. Those in the know would have figured out by now that all our valets were ex-cons,