Woody Allen Quotes

A fine example of a demonstration was the Boston Tea Party, where outraged Americans disguised as Indians dumped British tea into the harbor. Later, Indians disguised as outraged Americans dumped actual British into the harbor. Following that, the British disguised as tea, dumped each other into the harbor. Finally, German mercenaries clad only in costumes from The Trojan Women leapt into the harbor for no apparent reason.

Harry: Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning.

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.

My second wife was beautiful, but lacked real passion. I recall once, while we were making love, a curious optical illusion occurred and for a split second it almost looked as though she was moving.

With that, he scribbled in an additional ninety thousand dollars on the estimate, which had waxed to the girth of the Talmud while rivaling it in possible interpretations.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

Woody Allen later wrote in a letter: "My observation was that once a person actually completed a play or a novel, he was well on his way to getting it produced or published, as opposed to a vast majority of people who tell me their ambition is to write, but who strike out on the very first level and indeed never write the play or book. In the midst of the conversation, as I'm now trying to recall, I did say that 80 percent of success is showing up." - 1989 August 13, New York Times, On Language: The Elysian Fields by William Safire.

I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves.

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

We're worth a lot of dough. Whatever you see is antiques. This thing here. This is from — I don't remember exactly. I think it's the Renaissance or the Magna Carta or something. But that's where it's from.

Anything worth knowing cannot be understood by the human mind.