I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me. - Woody Allen

If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' — probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

As a filmmaker, I'm not interested in 9/11 [...] it's too small, history overwhelms it. The history of the world is like: He kills me, I kill him, only with different cosmetics and different castings. So in 2001, some fanatics killed some Americans, and now some Americans are killing some Iraqis. And in my childhood, some Nazis killed Jews. And now, some Jewish people and some Palestinians are killing each other. Political questions, if you go back thousands of years, are ephemeral, not important. History is the same thing over and over again.