Dr. Krokowski answered his own question, and said: “In the form of illness. Symptoms of disease are nothing but a disguised manifestation of the powe… - Thomas Mann

But he immediately felt he did not really want to take that step. It would lead him back, give his soul back to himself; but when one is frantic, the last thing one desires is to be oneself again.

But he would “stay the course” — it was his favorite motto.

It was the smile of Narcissus bending over the water mirror, the deep, enchanted, protracted smile with which he stretched out his arms to the reflection of his own beauty, an ever so slightly contorted smile — contorted by the hopelessness of his endeavor to kiss the lovely lips of his shadow — and coquettish, inquisitive and mildly pained, beguiled and beguiling.