I love the word "faggot," because it describes my kind of guy! You see, I am a fag hag. Fag hags are the backbone of the gay community. Without us, y… - Margaret Cho

There's no real way for women to really learn about sex in our culture. There are articles about sex in women's magazines, but that's not the kind of information I'm after. There was this article in Cosmopolitan about "How to look good in bed with your lover." It was these tips like, "If you put your arm under your breasts they're higher," or "If you're laying on your back, your stomach is flat," or "If you're having anal sex, he can't see your cellulite!" That's wrong, because I get so ugly when I fuck and I don't care! And if you care what I look like when you're fucking me, you shouldn't be fucking me in the first place!!

I am secretly a costume drama queen. Oo, I love me some Merchant Ivory films! I do! If there is a petticoat and Helena Bonham Carter, already I can feel the tears well up in my eyes. I love me some period films! And I know that I will never be in them. I will never be in any of these movies, unless I am laying down on my side smoking some opium. And I get offered movie roles all the time, but I say, "No! No! I don't want to play a manicurist. I don't want to play a really pissed-off liquor store owner. I don't want to go nowhere with a chicken under my arm. I don't want to play an exceptionally good student, I do not want to get off a tour bus and take numerous photographs, I do not ever want to utter the phrase, 'Welcome to Japan, Mr. Bond'! I don't want to write down all my memoirs about being a geisha!" What it is, is that I cannot run up a wall!!

[An article about Cho] started out, "Funny, sexy, zaftig Margaret Cho..." What is "zaftig?" Isn't that German for "big fat pig?" I guess I was lucky- "zaftig" is kind of a nice word. It could have been, "Funny, sexy, OBESE Margaret Cho."