Margaret Cho Quotes

The majority should not be allowed to rule simply because its the majority. The majority is responsible for slavery, segregation, lynching, denying women and minorities the vote, Japanese internment and a million other injustices and inhumanities.

Everything is going to be fine in the end, and if it's not fine, it's not the end.

One of my friends has these ideas about how we should meet men. "What we should do on Friday night is we will fucking go get fucked up and fuck yeah! We will fucking get fucked up and then we will fucking get tickets to go see the Chippendale's Dancers, fuck yeah! We will fucking get tickets to see the Chippendale's Dancers." I can get gay guys to dance in my house for free.

Love is the big booming beat which covers up the noise of hate.

My attitude towards peace does not depend on which war we are discussing. I think that words should do the work of bombs

By allowing and legitimizing different types of families, we make them relevant, attainable and honorable, thereby strengthening the moral fabric of the nation and making the ideal American family setting available to all who wish to be a part of one.

[An article about Cho] started out, "Funny, sexy, zaftig Margaret Cho..." What is "zaftig?" Isn't that German for "big fat pig?" I guess I was lucky- "zaftig" is kind of a nice word. It could have been, "Funny, sexy, OBESE Margaret Cho."

Monogamy is so weird. Like when you know their name and stuff.

I was on the floor in the emergency room, and the woman came up to me and said "Hi, my name is Gwen and I'm here to wash your vagina!"

I helped deliver one of my best friend's children. I just was so amazed by my friend, because she was not just a woman, she was not just a mother. At that moment she was creation; she was life; she was God. And as I looked in her eyes, BOOM! Her pussy exploded.

This presidential race is the biggest dick contest in history. "Your dick is indecisive!" "Your dick started an unnecessary war!" "Your dick didn't get injured enough in Vietnam!" "Your dick didn't even go to Vietnam!" "Your dick is soft on terrorism!" "Your dick started terrorism!" "Your dick blamed Vietnam vets for atrocities that made all vets unable to come home to a hero's welcome." "Your dick forged its way out of military service!" Has this kind of dick-waggling happened before outside of a pro-wrestling context?

I don't know if I'm a bottom because it turns me on, or if I'm a bottom because I'm lazy.

Like when Jay Leno made jokes about Koreans eating dog, but the hidden messages, our invisibility, is more harmful to us than any of those fools on "board".

And especially, especially, don't fuck with vegans. Do not look vegans in the eye. If you get into an argument with a vegan, say "I'm wrong" and run away as fast as you can. Do not fuck with vegans because they will fuck you up...BECAUSE THEY'RE HUNGRY.

No matter who you are or what you feel about homosexuality--if you are gay, lesbian, transgendered, bisexual, bicurious, metrosexual, heterosexual, celibate, hermaphrodite, a satyr, a succubus, a fucking human being-- and especially if you are a fucking human being and really want to live in a country where all people are equal--not separate, not "civil-unionized", not lied to about your rights--realize that same sex marriage will not harm you. It will not make gay people more gay, it will not make you gay unless you already are. It will not make your children gay unless they already are. It will not change your life in the least, unless you are gay and wanna marry your partner.